Friday, November 18, 2016

Dear Joshua and Adelaide

Amanda was my best friend in elementary school. I have the best memories of lip syncing to Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and many other 90s bands in her basement. We attended a kids camp one summer together. Her mom would drive us there in the morning and my mom would pick us up. We had a great childhood. Then we both moved away to different areas. 

I remember when Amanda lost her twins back in 2013. I was so devastated for her and I thought to myself "wow, I could never be that strong." What a strong spirit she must have been to have not only one but TWO angel babies waiting for her in heaven. Fast forward to three years later when I lost my Sadie. Amanda didn't hesitate to reach out to me and be such a strong inspiration to me. She has given me so much hope and so much help as I grieve for the loss of my Sweet Sadie A. Amanda thank you for submitting a letter and being such an inspiration to me and the rest of our readers! Happy Birthday sweet Joshua and Adelaide! I know Sadie is enjoying your birthday with you in Heaven.

Joshua and Adelaide
I can’t believe we are remembering you on what would be your 3rd birthday this week.  In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday that you were born, and in others it seems like it was a lifetime ago.  It’s a little discouraging to think about how long it will be until we see you again, but I do know that time goes by so quickly and someday we will be a complete family again. 

I can’t believe how much life has changed since you came into our lives.  We waited for what seemed like an eternity to be blessed with you.  While our struggle with infertility was very short compared to what many others experience, it felt painful to see so many of our friends and family members building their families while we continued to wait.  Since you came and left, we welcomed your baby sister Bridget who is now almost two years old, and we will welcome your baby brother soon as well.  It’s amazing to think that we went from a family of 2 to a family of 6 in only three short years.  We love and cherish each member of our family. 

While we miss you so much, we feel blessed to have some of our family in heaven.  We love to show Bridget your pictures, and teach her your names.  We love to tell her that you live in heaven with Heavenly Father and Jesus, but that you are her big brother and sister.  I love that your siblings will be able to know that heaven is real and that they have a brother and sister waiting for them there.  What a special blessing that not all children get to have.  I think they will feel that heaven is home knowing that heaven is the place that their family will finally be complete. 

Though time, prayer, and the Savior have healed many of the wounds I felt losing you, I still see you everywhere I go.  I see you in every 3-year old I see and I wonder what you would have been like playing with them. I see you in every set of boy/girl twins I see at the mall or grocery store. Bridget has a good friend who was born within a few weeks of when you were supposed to be born.  It’s bittersweet to see her play with Bridget and think that I was supposed to have two other children her same age.  I also see you in Bridget.  I wonder every day as she grows and develops more of a personality, what your personalities might have been like and how you would fit into our family.  I am not sure either one of you could have given Bridget a run for her money, but I am sure the three of you would have caused quite a bit of mischief together.  It’s also strange to think that if we hadn’t lost you, we really couldn’t have Bridget at all.  This thought makes me sad, because I love that girl more than anything, and can’t imagine my life without her.  But I couldn’t imagine my life without you either, and I wish I could have known everything about the two of you like I do Bridget.

I hope you know how grateful I am to everything you have taught me.  I know that you are watching over me and have felt your presence in my life.  I long for the day when I can have more than just a feeling of you watching over me, but for now it is enough and I am grateful for it.  I am grateful that I have two cheerleaders on the other side pushing me to do what’s right.  I am so motivated to treat people right because I know I need to get back to you someday, and I want to deserve to be where you are.  Thank you for giving me a reason to be my best self.
I love both of you and miss you.  I hope you will be with us in Spirit for your birthday!

Love, Mom

Letters for Sadie is letters to my little girl that I had to say goodbye to way to soon. The letters are my thoughts and feelings about things I have felt and experienced during this time. The blog is open to anybody that wants to send a letter or thoughts to an angel baby or loved one. Please feel free to contribute in anyway possible. 

I hope these letters will be well received by you, our readers. If anyone has questions or would like to submit a letter to their angel baby, please email All submitted letters are unedited to preserve the submitters wording and emotion. 

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