I haven't even collected any of my thoughts on what I want to say. These past few days I have experienced some of the most extreme emotions I have ever felt in my life. But I want to talk to you.
I don't know yet what lessons we as a family are supposed to learn from you. As I learned of your passing my knees hit the floor and I prayed hard, desperately seeking a miracle. And you are a miracle, but the miracle I prayed for never came. I was glad to know that my sister, your mother, needed me that night because I needed her too. I was so blessed to be there and to hold you for a few earthly moments. I was blessed to be able to kiss your mama a few times and hold her during such heartache. I wanted so badly to take her pain from her. To carry it on my shoulders so she didn't have to. Maybe that's what you were supposed to teach me. Maybe you were supposed to give me a little glimpse of how our Savior felt. How our Savior had the desire to carry all our burdens for us so that we weren't alone in them. I would give everything I have to ease her pain, just like the Savior did for us.
Sadie, I know that you have knowledge of how amazing your mother and father are. On those days when she feels like she can't breathe, I need you to give her breath. On those days when she feels like she can't get out of bed, I need you to give her a push. When the house is a mess and she can't clean it because it's just too hard, I need you to push her to ask for help. To call someone, or better yet, inspire someone to just head on over to help her. On those days when she feels that she can't move forward and she feels stuck in her world while others lives are moving forward, please lend her your wings so she is able to fly again. When she's angry, please help to soften her heart. I don't want to her become bitter towards this world because bitterness is not a way to live. Please give her the strength she needs to not deck somebody for saying something stupid, because somebody is going to say something stupid. We Watt girls are kind of known for not holding back sometimes. You may need to hold her hand if that day comes.
When it comes time for her to continue on with work and her life, I hope you stick by her side and hold her up. When the pain from doing her own job of helping others gets to her, hold her tight for me. I hope you remind her of the love of Christ and how he can ease our burdens and please send Him when she needs more comfort. I know He will come and wrap His arms around her.
Please give your father the strength he needs to move on also. There are a lot of changes that will be taking place as they move on in their life together, please give him the strength and courage he needs to continue down that path. He is my sisters strength. There is nobody more fit to be my sisters husband and your daddy. When your mama and I received our Patriarchal Blessings together, the person described in that blessing that was to be her husband is exactly the person your daddy is, and I am beyond grateful for that. He is worthy of his Priesthood and honors it. I think you already know that.
You have been blessed with such amazing grandmothers. I hope you know how loving and how selfless your Grandma Carol is. You can feel that woman's heart whenever you're around her and her gorgeous smile can instantly change a mood. She is heartbroken and I'll need you to stick by her to ease her pain.
Your Grandma Terri, who you're named after, is the best mother and grandmother that your mama and I could have ever asked for. She's obedient, understanding, loving and gives to her family with everything she has. She too is heartbroken. I know how badly she wanted to be able to give you life to ease her daughters pain. And although she couldn't, that desire is noble.
The strength your grandfather's have is noteworthy. They both are amazing men having influenced such beautiful beings who are your parents. In all their strength, I know they struggle. They'll need you too.
We all miss you. I know the pain we feel isn't going to go away anytime soon, but we need your help in handling it. Our family is devastated and somehow devastated doesn't really seem to describe our pain well enough. I can only imagine how your sweet mama feels. I love her beyond words and am thankful to our Father in Heaven that she was given to us; that she was able to be my sister and we'll be sisters throughout eternity.
I want you to know, Sadie, that I love you. That I have a testimony of the Savior. That I know without a shadow of a doubt that a way has been paved for our family to be together forever. Oh how great will be that day when I can witness the pure joy that my sister will experience as she is reunited with her baby.
But for now, hold her tight.
I love you, Sadie.
Letters for Sadie is letters to my little girl that I had to say goodbye to way to soon. The letters are my thoughts and feelings about things I have felt and experienced during this time. The blog is open to anybody that wants to send a letter or thoughts to an angel baby or loved one. Please feel free to contribute in anyway possible.
I hope these letters will be well received by you, our readers. If anyone has questions or would like to submit a letter to their angel baby, please email firstname.lastname@example.org. All submitted letters are unedited to preserve the submitters wording and emotion.